


Broken

by tardisswimmingpool



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M, janto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 20:59:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2746844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisswimmingpool/pseuds/tardisswimmingpool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack wakes up after dying yet again, and is suddenly struck with the realization that Ianto is dead. He doesn't know how to react or what to do, but then he finds a series of videos on Ianto's phone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one-shot awhile ago, and I found it while searching through a bunch of random stuff that I have. I thought I might as well post it.

Jack held Ianto's phone in his hand, clutching it tightly as if it was a precious jem worth millions. Although it wasn't, that's what it felt like to him. 

He remembered waking up feeling scared and confused in Gwen's arms. His eyes were red and burned, but he did not dare blink. Although, he had a perfect memory of what had occurred, he couldn't force himself to reveal the truth to Gwen. It hurt too bad. Instead, he decided to find the nearest restroom to sit in and express his regrets. Both of them knew the government would be coming for them, but Gwen didn't ask questions. After all, she could already gather what had happened because they had found Ianto's body right next to his. Jack had been holding his hand. She wanted to talk to him, but she knew he needed to grieve in silence. 

Grieving for Jack never involved crying. He didn't know whether it was because he had seen millions of deaths and it didn't matter anymore, or he just couldn't force himself to without revealing he had feelings. After all, caring was always a disadvantage. But Ianto was different-a whole new world- and tears just kept dripping down his face. He didn't even seem to notice them. 

Jack remembered how they had met when he couldn't think of anything else other than to rid himself of the annoyance that had been Ianto Jones. Maybe it would've been better if he had. He couldn't have though. If he did, everything that is, or was, never would've happened. They wouldn't have been a couple. Again, it might've been for the best, but Jack couldn't force himself to see it that way. He couldn't imagine his life without him. But now he had to.

Ianto's voice rang in his ears as he remembered discussing his unusual situation. He had mentioned seeing him die. Jack had known when they started going out that he'd have to see Ianto die one day. He just hoped it was from old age. Not like this. However, that's why he was so distant. Things were purely sex for awhile, and neither of them had an intention to go further. Probably because they were trying to protect their own hearts from being broken. But stuff changed. Jack didn't want to fall in love. He had spent his whole life shagging anyone he pleased without worry, but he had never fallen in love before. Not until Ianto. But he resisted. Ianto couldn't have loved him. He was a jerk, and swept Ianto off his feet after the death of his best friend and previous lover. How could you love a man that did that to you? And Jack was a dick to just about anyone. He flirted with absolutely everything. He didn't tell Ianto anything. How could Ianto love him? But he did. He did. And that's why it hurt Jack so much to watch him fade away into nothingness. 

His fingers caressed the custom case surrounding Ianto's phone. He remembered buying that for him for Ianto's birthday. Obviously, they couldn't risk compromising Torchwood's existence, so he couldn't monogram the logo on it, but he did settle with a black case with a red T on it. And he had his last name written on the bottom-Jones.

He opened up the phone and unlocked it almost instantly. His passcode was Lisa. It hurt Jack a little to think he hadn't changed it, but he supposed it was because that'd be too obvious. But still...

He brought up the photo album icon in hopes of finding some pictures of Ianto to look at. He just wanted to see his face...even if if broke his heart. 

Ianto's phone was full of pictures of his sister and her family. They had meant a lot to him. That's understandable, but sometimes, Jack thought, he had been jealous because he wanted his own family. But Jack could never give him that. He had never addressed the subject, but Jack knew. He knew, and he felt terrible because his life-their life- was too dangerous. And, deep down, Ianto knew that too.

He scrolled through, praying that he'd find a picture-just one- of Ianto's face. He didn't. But there was a series of videos. Jack's eyes lit up with curiosity. 

The videos were much like Tosh's approach had been. It was sort of like a video will. It expressed things that he wanted to be told to different people. A lot of it had been for his family- how much he had loved them. There was one video dedicated to Gwen and how he wished her luck with Rhys and their new family. It was touching, but then he had gotten to the subject of Jack. 

At first, he wasn't certain that he wanted to hear it. The mere sound of Ianto's voice saying such sweet words could make him choke, but he desperately wanted to hear what his friend...partner wanted to say.

Ianto recapped the story of how they met and how much Torcwood had changed his life. It was nothing Jack hadn't heard before, but he wanted to listen anyway. And then Ianto said something he wouldn't have expected.

"You saved me, Jack," he had said.

What? Jack had heard those words so many times from so many people, but he never believed them. All he had done for anybody was bring trouble. If he saved someone it was to make up for putting them in danger. Ianto falls under that rule more than anyone else. Jack had saved him, but it was Jack's fault most of the time. He could never forgive himself if something happened to Ianto. That's why he did everything he could, and he didn't want a thank you. It was his duty. But he had failed.

Ianto continued, "I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't thank you because it's your job, but I don't care. And I wasn't just talking about saving me from all the trouble Torchwood has gotten me into," he paused, "You saved me from myself." 

He talked about how depressed he had been before Torchwood. He felt so useless, and all he wanted was to make something out of his life. Being a part of such a secret agency made him feel like he had a purpose, but it still left a void in his life. And when Lisa died, he felt more and more lost. But then he and Jack got together.

"It was really weird at first because I had never dated a man before. I had never really even been attracted to a man, but you were different. The moment I met you, I felt like something was calling out to me. It was telling me you were special. I know it sounds stupid. At the time I thought it was insane too, but, as I got to know you, I realized there was more to you than anyone else knew. I was the only one who knew. And that's when I started to feel ashamed because you needed help-my help- and all I was doing was kissing you and feeling you up in the privacy of your office or bedroom. I know you don't like to believe it, Jack, but you need help. You've been through a lot. During my life I tried to help you, but I guess you're on your own now." 

He continued with the fact that his death was not Jack's fault. He had made this series of videos prior to leaving to face the 456 for a reason. Before they even set foot out of the warehouse where he, Jack, Rhys, and Gwen were hiding, he knew he was going to die. He didn't like to think about it, but something in his brain told him this was the last time he'd be with everyone there. Most would've been terrified, but not Ianto. He faced death with pride, and he wasn't afraid to reveal his feelings to Jack when the time came. Even if Jack refused to accept it.

"And I'm pretty certain I'll probably chicken out, and die without letting everyone know how I feel. So, Jack," he paused again, "I know we've been through a lot together, and you don't want to hear it, but I love you. It's hard for me to admit it because you are the worst human being I have ever met. You're rude, you take advantage of people, and you pretty much flirt with everything whether it breathes or not."

Both him and Jack laughed a little.

"But you are also the bravest, kindest, and...hottest," he was blushing, "man I have ever known, and I wouldn't take back a single second of our time together."

He wiped at some tears in his eyes. Jack couldn't tell if it was sadness or pure embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. God, I really hope I don't die because I don't have time to remake this ridiculous and stupid video will. You better save me, Jack, or I'm gonna die twice from this embarrassment. Actually, don't save me unless it's a last resort. I don't want to live if people are going to treat me like a damsel in distress...but I want you to do something for me. Just one thing, Jack."

Jack listened.

"You have to save us, Jack. It's not just about the children anymore. Everyone is in danger. We can't just give in to what the 456 wants. That's not what Torchwood is about. And if this Doctor of yours isn't going to come, you are our only hope Jack. You may not think you're a hero, but you are to me. If you rescued me, you can a rescue this planet. And I will be by your side till the end. Good luck."

He finished the video with a slight smile, and Jack found himself not being able to cry anymore. He just sat there, staring at the phone and wondering why this was so. It was almost like he had come to terms with what was going on inside him. It was like something Ianto had said took away the sadness and left him only with guilt and the determination to fix what he had done all those years ago. He owed those children the world.

There was a knock on the door, and Gwen entered. Reality returned. Jack knew what she was going to say before she could even open her mouth. He considered showing her the video right away, but they had more important issues to attend to. After all, he had to do what Ianto wanted. Last request. The Doctor wasn't always going to be there, and he knew that. Other worlds needed saving too, and Earth couldn't rely on him to show up all the time. One world for another wasn't in the Time Lord rule book, and Jack knew that. Earth was Jack's responsibility now. So, he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and went back to business. For Ianto.


End file.
